I’ve heard that it takes twenty-one days to make or break a habit. Part of me wonders if I will have broken habits completely by the end of this fast, or just learn how to discipline myself in certain areas better. David Wilkerson fasted from television and then went on to stop watching it for the rest of his life. I don’t know if that’s going to be me or not…I do know that this whole venture is beginning to frighten me – in a good way.
It’s one thing to desire more of God’s presence, it’s another thing to be entrusted with more of God’s presence. Or maybe a better way of putting that (because I’m not big on portions of presence) is that with greater revelation of who God is comes a greater responsibility to tell others who He is. And, from that comes greater opposition. It’s a weighty thing, an exciting thing, new steps on ancient paths…I just hear God asking me how bad do I want what I’m asking for? How deep is my hunger?
What really shocks me is how unending my response is, how it reaches beyond comfort and set plans and stretches my frame in a way that’s so painful it’s beautiful. Even in the tangible presence of Christ, my hunger grows deeper. So today, I spent some time in introspection and discovered how much I don’t need in life. How much I can give up. How a life without indulgence is not necessarily a life without fulfillment.
And yet, I still had a rough day physically. Isn’t that awful? On the heels of this revelation, I have to be real and admit that my cravings were pretty intense. With any fast, the body begins purging by around day three; and, I was right on schedule. I had a throbbing headache most of the day (that’s what I get for quitting sugar and caffeine cold turkey) that Tylenol was unable to conquer. As always, my sister is watching television in the background while I sit with my headphones on and my eyes focused on my MacBook, blocking out the audience laughter on Seinfeld. Temptations and cravings and physical discomforts – alas! alack!
But I held on and, actually, I haven’t had any meat today. I had a lot of celery, a mass of grapes (what my father calls “promised land grapes” because they’re so large and amazing), and some organic tortilla chips. Water, all day. Scratch that, I just made a cup of unsweetened Lipton, trying to combat this caffeine headache. I also discovered some new music today! Check out Ascend the Hill on come and live, you can download their albums for free! “Take the world, but give me Jesus” is amazing.
I do want to note that I’m not trying to brag and seem spiritually deep, or boast about what I’ve cut from my lifestyle. I realize that there are far more strict fasts I could adhere to, so don’t think that I’m making more out of my ordeal than the situation warrants. I am probably one of the most undisciplined people out there, so this is very hard on my flesh. My spirit, however, rejoices. I just want to be as transparent as possible on this journey, hoping that I can encourage someone else.
Overall, life is quiet and life is good. Until tomorrow:)
…love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith – 1 Timothy 1:4b (NKJV)