Yesterday was slightly hectic, and by day’s end, I was too tired to post. So today, I’m going to hit a double-header.
Corporate fasts are a wonderful thing, because nobody has to endure alone. I’m so grateful for my church family during this time! Yesterday my sister, a sister from church and I talked about our struggles and encouraged each other to “hold on.” It may seem trite or cliché – but it was much needed and appreciated. Our church had a Hallelujah Party, or what others may know as a Harvest Party, and it was torturous filling bags with candy and baking chocolate cupcakes knowing that I would have no part in eating them. After my full day, I really felt like I deserved a venti vanilla chai latte from Starbucks.
This Starbucks thing is getting harder and easier at the same time. Initially, I would have the idea of Starbucks floating in my head all day long. More annoying than anything. Now I get an intense craving that may hit for about an hour. And I try to reason myself out of fasting (“Well it has been six days…God won’t mind.”). The frustrating thing is the underlying fact that I don’t deserve anything. I haven’t truly suffered. Indulgence became such a huge part of my lifestyle and it’s embarrassing to deal with the self-evaluation that comes through struggle. So while I don’t want Starbucks all day, when I do want it I want it bad. I’ve decided not to get any tomorrow – even though I had originally planned to break my fast on Sundays – I don’t want to get lax in one area and have everything fall apart. It only takes one leak to sink a ship.
Today I haven’t eaten any meat! I’m trying to focus more on the prayer aspects of the fast now. The shock of the new diet has worn off, and I don’t want everything to fall back into a routine…I want to continue the humbling and the urgent study. This whole thing can tend to be depressing, because so many physical comforts and delights are suddenly gone. If I don’t seek the Lord more, then I will get low. Fasting isn’t called mourning for nothing, there’s a sobriety comes with it. BUT Christ is my joy and I can’t keep my head up and my path bright without Him. So this whole thing is teaching me the importance of relying on Him fully. And that’s a good thing.
Now, I’m all caught up with what needs to be done, and that’s huge for a Saturday. There’s another perk of fasting: procrastination is practically nonexistent! I just ran a tub full of water and bubbles and I plan on ending my Saturday in relaxation and Gungor.
…In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore – Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)